Leather Jack.

He said to me "M., U do not age at all! U take from life what it has best." N in that he was so entirely right. Indeed I do. I try to, at least. This, besides one more method which I've detected, may appear to be a means to stay young and fresh-faced for longer than the average span.

Let me start from the level zero; nothing has been or is intended; remembering what events took place today, conjuring up what has been settled in a handful of convos; a great evening preceding a day it is going to be; without you, maybe, since you do not reveal any impulse to meet; so let it be; I won't force anything; on u especially; the impression and a coherent impression seem to count far more than whims of imagination; 1 minute left; for what?; we never know; the will, the temptation is everything we have; u shall go; it is now time for me to stay; will I go?; extraordinarily improbable; reasons? too hesitant in one manner, too confident about some other; everything gets shortened; x for & for n for and this is going 2 be t end.

The Calm Before The Storm.

So I could sit n wait for him to answer. What else could be done provided the strategy with its impeccable tactics that we assumed. It's the calm before the storm, I tolde him. The painful part is that it's me who imposed it. He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword. Is it the time? Is it the manner whichin it will happen?

This thread makes me recall another thing I was intending to write about some time ago already. Namely, the matter I would like to bring up is my position when it comes to relationships. To be more precise, I inferred that for my personae it is best to stay reluctant, unconquered, cold, ignorant, etc., etc. This is notwithstanding the old truth that when you cease trying, everything comes to you regardless of the fact that you want it or not. My case is a further underspecification of the same phenomenon, if you will. The difference, you may ask, is that despite I act like a cold hard corpo bitch, I nevertheless still do have the same intentions towards the object in question. This is not so in the broader sense where there is no willingness, nor intentions on the part of the ignorantee. Coming back to my case, the aforementioned attitude is intended to entice and to shift the task of s.c. advances on the entertainer, a.k.a. interested guy. It is profitable for me as well as for the other party entertaining. A better-taolored, more advanced and structured way of conduct thanks to which young blood may be obtained.

Another related thought which crossed my mind during one of classes is of the following sounding: do you mate with a soul mate? It may only be the surface structure which remains appealing to my mind and mind's eye. Nevertheless, the inquiry is still left without any proper answer. Till the time we meet and discuss this over, perhaps.

So much for my miseries. Let us change the subject. It will not be a prolonged one. Just to leave a record of my thoughts. The test of time will show how permanent. It goes like this: first we get in unperceptive to learn  from the best, from the masters refined in critical thought. Yet meanwhile or towards the end we discover unhesitantly  armed in the mental devices they themselves taught us that those whom we once hailed as masters are nothing else but the one and only, first and foremost hypocrites. Much as stern such a constatation may be, it is true and... objectivity-aspiring. The next post shall be devoted on the latter issue later on in the space-o-time.

Concluding on the storm: it's coming, it's approaching, it's almost here. Today I sat in squat and watched the sky from my balcony window. There were no signs of a storm approaching. No appropriate, storm-related season anyway. There was no storm nor stormy clouds on the external. There were heavy, bulky stormy clouds gathering somewhere on the inside...

Meta.

I know. You could be my mentally bad boy fuck. There will be others, that is a v difficult inquiry to give answer to whether they will be any or whether there will be plenty [think more of the latter if u know me well]. Nevertheless, there is a plan, a vision in my head which stipulates that you could be a real great fuck. Particularly when tattooed like that bad ass of Lana's, driving an SUV mercedes I once saw upon returnin. That's a plan for the near future, something that motivates me to live. Something which provides that certain kind of elan vital upon each memory retrieval. There are opportunities which need to be exploited. I may have not done anything spectacular, anything ground-breaking today but I do not care when my neurons generate bold illuminations in the tense future perfect.

Then, there's this guy. He may be geekish [yeah, I do reckon you might have already recognized whom it concerns but nvm] but carming and so, so great time-with-spender. He may be shy but I am fond of crossing the borders [been there done that, it's in my resume] and also of pushing somebody else's limits to see how far can I go.It is winter. The most innovative winter of my life so far. He's gonna be mine. I'll enchant him. It is going to be extremely metaphysical so as to quote him.

The M Theory.

Someone who should be starred at, observed and explicitly admired [implication intended]. Doesn't want that. Someone who should be the model of a certain kind in many a disciplines [hard n soft ones alike][implication purposeful]. Doesn't wish to be that. It may be hard to comprehend for someone receiving the world in the most of passive and shallow manners. It is all but indecipherable for someone using the ICMs, central together with peripheral examples of a given mental sphere. The modern cognitive models strive to provide a fraction of meaning to such cases. Let alone the standard structuralist models which do not withstand the analysis of such phenomenon. This is the rare case which slips out the scientists' recognition. Maybe unnoticed [accidentally]. Maybe unnoticed [intentionally for the sake of the research results]. For this case is kind of problematic to say the least. After all, that is a very promising and desired outcome since such cases do not have as their life aims to be described somewhere as this would implicate their generalisation. She's been through the his and los untill she realized that that's how the life is. She might have been girly and her mind all over the place, searching for the most suitable option, way to live. Nowadays she's grown on a v feminine woman with a minimalistic approach to life. At times she thinks that perhaps she's too good to be true. The combination of breathtaking external and mind-boggling internal is such a rare and unique combination after all, she pondered. An optimal strategy had to be chosen: one shall not show off too much, for people do not like a permanent disfocus from them. She understood that well and so applied it to her daily errands. And... there's much more to that story than that...