Knowledge and Awareness is Curse.

No longer can I stand it. I'm crying. I don;t know what have happened to my inner side. It's becoming an inert part of me. Various options; to lead a quiet life in the most serene place on Earth, or to get a literally fucked up pace of life in the used to be, worn out capital city. The inner, unrestrained ambition, the fuckin creation which bears no signals of veto claims its loot to be paid. The abilities of mine, the condemned skills of mine, I despise so much right now, now even more as I'm using them and am not able to supress my mind frm using thereof what would have, subsequently, saved me frm all I'm through right now, these abilities are what drives geniuous people insane. People of great minds go berserk because of their minds' abilities. Their bodies and their minds are divisible entities which, however, are not divided completely and thus the fucked up latter is superior to the former, ordering and managing in a cruel way. The universally referred to as 'flotsam and jetsam of the society' plus the standardised Jon Does are privledged in a way that lies beyond their cognition-for, the unawarness equals calmness and an undisturbed peace of their minds, analogically, awareness and knowledge may stand as the greatest contributors of one's success, nevertheless, there is a strict way of conduct of how to handle the acquired wisdom. Comin bck to the former; the wisdom's [perceived as sth more positive in this context as oposed to knowledge; wisdom-here: all the data gathered through self observation of the surroundings and every element it contains. knowledge-an almost artificial struct, althought on the other hand an alive creation which is governed by itself and, therefore, stands beyond a human's abilities to keep it obedient, as a result, becomes an inner parasite which feeds on one's deep structure and other elusive and non-verbalised aspects, however, still can be felt present inside and almost impossible to get rid of. may cause various mental disorders] wide horisons reveal a tranquill possibility which is as follows: move on the East side of the country, lead a simple life with the knowledge which would be suppressed thr, as free frm commercial, good for nothing incentives it will cease torment. A beautiful [much as far frm che d'oeuvre may it sound] possibility to spend the rest of the life not worrying about material stuff [YES! despite of the voc I have, I am also familiar with the slanguish expressions of this damned lg]. PRESTIGE! WHat the FUCK did this word, its register, to be precise, do to your minds that everyone is obsessed with it , not to mention the objects/aspects it describes and is correlated with??!! Is it possible that the so called ordinary crowd is much more priviledged owing to their wisdom and wht they've decided to do is not to deal with the so called 'high issues' in order not to mush their brains? The unawareness and lack of knowledge as intentional defence against psychic suffering? Enough for now, am feelin worn out of any emotions or moods.