You make me smile. Don't be a child. More than 'like a virgin'.

Sometimes you piss me off. Especially in the moments, I sent, write something with a load of emotions. With a tremendous load. But you don't answer. You don't give a damn 'bout it? Great people end their lives always tragic, usually by commiting a suicide. Am I also ranking to that odd group [dot] Sometimes I think: "why can't you go find yourself and make me want to know you, to show you". I really want it. I'll melt when there will be any actions from 'the other side'. Then it's the very suitable time to do the thing releated to the 'famous people'. Just like Hitler. He was also a sad human. I'm trying to hurt you. I know I'm cruel doing this, but it's only a strikeback. Doing my best in it, in order YOU to see how it REALLY IS. But you don't pay attention to it. Just like you were made with stone. You don't give a damn again? MAybe you've got me enough ( yeah, I know, I repeat it), but if I will not write a thing, then the conversation doesn't even go through, doesn't start. Ridiculous. It's like that. Sometimes I feel like a shit with all that matter, 'cos I don't se anything I can do with it. I'm trying to do what I can best, fighting to get limited, restricted time on pc, but you seem, or maybe you do not appreciate it...I'll not cry, no. Don't bother. It's more like angry from beeing unable to do something. You see, 2-3 weeks, from the frozen apart, were enough for you to get off the more emotional tone. But also this short time was enough for me to start missing, 'cos I have unfortunately to admitt, I was bored at the end of the holidays. But I did not hurt you then. It were couple of weeks and now it's time for my turn? The rest is my damned time to play 'the worst', the one that always bow and scrape. The one that is coldly ignored by the hottest, actually hte ONE loved person in the heart of mine. Don't make a 'foch'. That's the way I feel it. NOt going to try to change you. You are a free human like everyonem of us, the last living souls. I'm just thinking if I'll endure it. I know now you reaction, it will be sth like this: " so if ya don't bear me/it, then stop it now and for ever". "it was a game to you never a game to me now you're waiting to see what I'll do next, but like a reflex I already know everything you said, last night was just another test, just anoter way for you to mess with my head. so this is obsession, this lesson you're keepin me guessin, so this is obsession" With the time going further, spent with you physicaly or virtually, I'm learning. Learning to understand lyrics like this above more clearly. I understood it completely, although I comprehended it before in an other way. I know it can't be perfect all the time. However, should I start to act hard, cold, unresponsive, unfeeling, hard faced to keep it going, not to forget you? Should I act like a cold hard bitch? Also in passionate stuff, doing hard core, you don't prefer? Or maybe we can't write, 'cos I (don't know if you too) need the physical contact, touch, your kiss...MAybe we don't write a thing, 'cos we understand each other without words? I can't act like a cold hard bitch, 'cos I love you too much to do such a cruel thing, in such a cold way. I can't let you go. Even when you don't give a shit, at times. It was too meautiful. I gave too much from myself, from the inner, to let it all go, to let it all blow away by the wind, 'cos it 'all' is my everything. I would not live without it. The All - my heart, passion, thoughts, deeds, sins, bliss, pleasure, freaks, geile Zeit.

SZit.

I don't care. I don't give a shit about. I will be sitting on stairs like this and wait, maybe the making me pissed of world'd finally end. I'm tired. Just like I feel right now.

Out of Outwhere, I think.

Sleeping in a DP shirt, seeing the same faces as abroad, smiling when notice a trifle from there here. So why have I to live right here. I'm affraid of the heavy load of awaiting learning, cos I haven't been learning at all the whole school years. Really trembling with fear. All can I do and will do cos there's no other sollution, is reading exceptionaly boring lecture, making the fucked up herbarium and making excercises in my FCE book instead of warm huging you, hot kissing you. Making crazy love...However there is a small light in the long for now tunel. With every incoming day I am more convinced I want to study at least or to live abroad after education. I needed to fill a piece of scrumbled paper because I was feeling sad and even shopping for school hasn't made my mood better. I cannot also start writing a letter, because if yours will be in my hands, then mine would rise to almost enormous size. I know you almost hated those long-readings, so I'll try to write only the essence without unneeded descriptions, only the best things. Sorry about them ( the over long letters). Maybe the time spent alone in my room, house makes myself become sad. Maybe I just need to jump to the very fast whirlwind of work? But I have already some and it doesn't make me happier. It even makes it worse, because it's boring, when I'm bored I'm becoming sad, I'm suceptible to cry. That's the way it is. I want to work in peace and quiet but I can't even fall asleep early (10 pm). I got out of the habbit of going to sleep so (:D) early. After all with you the average time was hour zero to 1pm =^^=. It's stiupid, although I know you don't have much to do at home, except your work, I didn't write and sent it on e-mail, cos I also know good that things like this and so long are not so much liked by you. This is my piece of internet.

What it feels like for a girl.

'''This guy has danced for me and I have danced for him this guy has cried for me and I have cried for him

Many miles many roads I have traveled fallen down on the way many hearts many years have unraveled leading up to today

I have no regretsThere's nothing to forget all the pain was worth it not running from the pastI tried to do what's bestI know that I deserve it'''

'''You took a pretty pictureAnd you smashed it into bits sank me into blackness and you sealed it with a kiss

You took a poison arrowAnd you aimed it at my heart it's heavy and it's bitter and it's tearing me apart'''