Happy People and Insane Mothers.

Happy people got off th train. I am drinking my drink of choice - the earl grey tea honey incensed and drippled with lemon. I wondered for a while where to pour my thoughts in. Today it's in here and not to you clearly.I have been feeling extremely sad lately. It has never happened to me before nor has the reason occured to me by now. I am affraid of suffering from depression. Now, this is not a petty matter because it has never been so real, meaning, I am not exaggerating or making these things up. Perhaps it's due to the vast amounts of time which I now have. About 6 or 7 years ago when I was 18 years old and started to have real boyfriends ["real" here denoting one major feature, namely that they wanted to overnight at my place and vice versa] my mother [she is not my "mum" really] tended to have various kinds of moralizing speeches which aimed at moulding my young and indexterious personae according to her, of course, righteous, right and only, religious mind. Well, we did kind of quarell if I dare call it so. This, the quarells naturally and her sermons much more made us grow apart from each other. She, "obviously", meant the good for me, but I, at that time did not appreciate her noble intentions. I did not change my mind for her from that time since. And so it surprises me greatly when she, after a grande entrance, makes a strikingl similar speech when I have reached the 25th year of my life. This is something weird happening. To my own surprise, I did not [could not?] act the way I usually do, meaning, I did not pull out the big guns, the many arguments which could have helped me win in that ridiculous discussion. When she left, I pondered for a while on the reason of my behaviour. It came to me that perhaps the dispute mechanism of mine has been mastered so impeccably that I have intuitively, automatically recognized that this opponent in front of me is not worth the effort. This dawned on me when I recalled that I want the key to O from her. The same applies to the topic of her address. It pertained faith and what is not [because it naturally cannot be] externalized, scientifically proven, made objective and thus nips ALL attempts to distinguish either of the opinions/rights/beliefs more righteous than the others. How hopeless is that? On top of everything, not only did she kindly advised me not to overnight elsewhere than home but she also was as obscure and unclear on things as possible, not een realizing on how sticky and muddy a matter she took up on... Really, the flotssam and jetsam of soc deserve to be supervised, told what and how to do and controlled to prevent such oddities taking place. During the rueful monologue of hers I did have few arguments pop up in my head, nevertheless, I quickly computed them to be not worth of sharing. Still, I wonder, what does she think about me and my boyfriend going to O and the sleeping layout. How I project it to myself that she might be imagining it is a vision of the two of us sleeping in separate beds, better still, in separate rooms. O'r'lly?
And suddenly one notices that the time went by unnoticed and that all the misery of the day and a looming depression are gone with the wind.