Bad timing/good timing. An Explanation.

Do you know that quale when you are on the verge of going insane? Yes, these are the moments when the most brilliant thoughts occur. This time my wish is to make an annoucement. It occured to me what the real reason for the parting was. As follows, I let you go because I was scared of telling you some things. Also, I was convinced [still am] that the time which would have lapsed till we made love for the first time would be too long for you to endure. Consequently, it would have been you who would break up with me - the greatest and traumatic fear ever for me. This whole concept appears now so easy from the perspecive of time but also so clear as never before [most probably because the phantom pressure is now off]. Further, I thought that in your mind too [in comparison with other young male minds] sex has to be performed as soon as two people enter a relationship. And because I need a time much longer than the norm has it, I have thus [wrongly, as you proved to me] imagined that everything you do inevitably leads to sex. Hence the pressure I felt on myself. Ultimately, because I am not ready now, I cannot give you what you want so much. So as not to keep you waiting in impatience I have made the decision to let you go and work it out on your own. As a matter of fact, the first reason for breaking up I gave you is not quite true [in contrast with the pregnancy one]. As I do not know how it really would be like with you. And since it was a conscious move thus the longing, thus the suffering and missing, for my inner incapabilities.