Candid M.

And now, children, let’s step into something more fun, namely… Yes, and even though he does look attractive to me on the photos and he does evoke some unnamed feelings meandering on my inside, I still cannot comprehend that immense intimidation he falls in[to] when he sees me in person… As if he couldn't take it at face value. The most weird happening to happen to me. Ever. Eee, I know the feelings' name! They are Poignant.

Coming back to these unnamed feelings. Despite the time that has flown by, I still do kinda feel something inside me. Some positive vibes, to be precise. Not that you are to analyse it within the R-Principle, no, it’s nothing like that. It is more of the I-principle that , let me remind you, says that what isn’t said isn’t. Pre-cisely. So, following [this principle], there is nothing more than pure liking and not even a hint of any deeper feeling whatsoever. So as 'to be on the safe side' [E. M.-W. 2011].

Another thing I wanted to dwell on is that, the minute I saw he sent me a friend req, I rushed checking on my wall… Isn’t it intimidating…. Hehehe. But I’m sure I’m not the only one who does so. Going through my photo gallery and all pics I’m tagged on, was a duty I had to exe-cute immediately so as to prevent any stuff which is... which is baaas and/or not cute getting in front of his eyes; revising all my recent posts, so as to secure a positive social presence image of mine. Am I already going online-insane?

And the funniest part will be, I bet, when I will dash to the ‘X’ on the right of the tab to escape him seeing me on our grand portallismo and not to get in any closer and/or synchronous contact/means of contact. This is as it is just for now. I am thoroughly and seriously [if I may so say and juxtapose these two and would not be scolded by our noble Ms B., PhD.] taking us meeting in RT.

O’my God. I just glanced at the email time and it turns out that it has been sent at 8:30-ish p.m., that is, close half an hour prior to when I turned my laptop on. Shut the front door… He was there and perhaps an even more paradoxal vision is, he was actually shutting the tab because he saw me.

But, I am content of one thing. He did respond in the lingo we do correspond in emails . That is to say, I kind of had a sense of forboding that upon my comment in the foreign lg, he might feel this is a bit over the top and so respond in Polish, ridiculing, mocking me, or not respond at all, feeling, my entry was too showy.

One more thing which boggles me is that he, being such a downright punk, anarchist, and all the other adjectives he entitles himself with, and me? He to me? Don’t get me wrong, all I wanted to say was that I can’t really, entirely grasp this idea, this part where we, such absolute opposites, got together. Maybe I, we weren’t so different by then. Or, maybe, he doesn’t realize how much I did change since the last time we met, spoke. Albeit, I do not implicate in any of these sentences that he would not be able to comprehend my otherness. Nonetheless, what our relationship would be like if he eventually got to know? It would be a shame [for me] if he quit it then.

I am aware of the fact that all we share is a piece of the cyber world trajectory from time to time. It’s that often, but it isn’t too seldom that I would feel inclined to complain either.

To be honest, I would like to and I have an undeniable and untamable penchant for boggling this guy’s mind. Just for the fun of it. And I, unfortunately, can’t say where it comes from. He makes me feel, I want to downplay my boyfriend. But, if you ask me, he’s an anarchist after all, so he should not care about it.

Old flame? Is this what it should be called like? Can this be called like that? Can I call it like that? Should I call it like that? Now you know everything, to play candid, I did not put much effort to make it implicit.

So tell me, who do you wanna be in the future? Why are you a punk? This is not meant to be offensive, however. Perhaps you will never get to know how it's been meant or what tone it has been spoken in if you won't ask as the Q has to be asked. That is a rule. One rule in the system. Will you succumb your anarchy for such a one-time instance?