Benoku.

U have to move on. U cannot be the reason why I pund in a stand still. The feelings I harobour to you are the most nasty I've ever tried to get rid of. And, as it has previously been, I can not as it is the matter of the core. I had several things prepared for you. Now, I hesitate about our future being cos I am in a great fear of you, in a great suspension of what am going to do next. It really sucks, it feels like being in an inertia, or worse. Coma [?]. Good one. Never was I able to make the fullest of your presence. Nor were you able to cope with all the things I relish. Did I need a rivalry to prove myself the best? Did I need a friend to be with me for the good and for the bad? I want it to stop! To stop right now! yet little I can do... The post bias effects are more durating. Taking u to task is no good at the time being... it all sucks. I am helpless about it. Can't do anything. Nor even save myself from pounding into the nothingness, doinglessness, of falling into the void. It's the best time of your life you say, still u fail to see that you hurt everyone who cares about you. So relieveing to say 'm a material girl, right... Can I share this inconvenience with my closest? What about that? Maybe they advise me the unfavourable for you way, huh? Not to mention, they did at the time they saw a slim. scattered light of chance I'll get over you. I can't trust you unless it ends. It seems to me that this is where the rub is. Are you keeping all this cos u see a chance for yourself to survive by myself? Is that it? it's so miserable. Knee deep in shit... More than it has been forecasted. How could I fall into you? Love is such a fucked up thing. You care no more about some of the things you relished in the past. progress you say? Step forward? Alas it is not. DEmotivation, sogging, relieving all the bad habits. It's all fucked up particularily cos for all my egocentricism I do care about and am affraind of you doing sth stupid, sth you might never be getting out of, addiction, it is. Happy tripping, all I can say cos you won't get the message across anyway. Too much of free time you have, I know. Now, trying to get rid of it, trying to make sth out of it, struggling not to die of boredom, it is. Between the lines yuo forget about yourself, your family, the Sunday evening Chopin concerto, me... It's even more to the point where it all gets blurred and fucked up cos thos post is too long for you to read it all, the message I want you to get too far away from the begining so it becomes too easy to state it's too complicated and wired up spiked with constructions you gaven't even dreamed of, could you trnslt this to me? What for? Do you espect the trnsltn to be shorter than the original? With all my scant linguistical knowledge and logic I can assure you it will not [not that "it'll not"]. I can scream out loud: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOURSELF?! Still, remember, I am ina coma, nobody cas hear my shriek no matter it is high-pitched nor feel my clenching touch. You are in a coma too. "And your paranoia is probably worse". For all the human features, abilities, skills, potential, you have, it feels like you're numb, dumb, senseless, motionless, cautionless, to any signals, help whatsoever. Am I to scream at you? Does it lead us to the dead-end road inevitably with its flow? Will your worst nightmare become true? Here's mine: u keep doing your thing, I can't stand it, I'm fed up, I start quitting on myself to you, once you can't stand it too you get involved in an affair, sorry, to big a word, you have a fling with a whatsoever dumb blonde, I get briefed aboout that and we finally break up.